"All human beings have three lives: public, private, and secret." - Gabriel Garcia Marquez

My parents know that I have never had a boyfriend, but that’s not the whole truth. I had a 70 something year old boyfriend for two years, he was and remains a happily married man. This blog was published with his permission, although he disagrees with some conclusions I have drawn.

 I met him my freshman year, when I was dealing with a lot of anxiety and confusion. He encouraged me to finish school. Spending time with a rational, successful adult was helpful. He changed me in many ways. I used to go to a coupon clipping group, but he educated me on the value of time and told me to stop going. I used to complain 24/7 about my parents who rarely took me out to restaurants or anywhere, he said how about your take the lead and show them what it’s like to go out and have a good time. I used to complain 24/7 about professors who are full of nonsense and gave me C’s, he said how about you parrot them to make them feel good and they might give you A’s. I gradually adopted his way of thinking and became more proactive about things. I started to see myself and the world in a new light.

This went on for two years. He told me that if his wife dies, we can be together. She was in great health. When I couldn’t stand it any longer, I told my aunt about it (I didn’t tell her about the stipends he gave me). She laughed and said “old fox scammed you.” I stayed up all night brooding over it. In the morning I called him and asked him if he was scamming me. He said something like “I did not scam you, I paid you.” 

People have all kinds of names for this: “I pay her to leave” or “I pay because I don’t want drama”… It all makes sense and I think it comes down to one thing: when you accept payment from a man, you agree to give up your claim to him. You accept that he is first and foremost his wife’s property and king. You accept that no strings means no strings. You become director and participant in a mini witness protection program. When you see him on TV or read about him somewhere you will not say anything to anyone. Maybe you will masturbate at home thinking about him and the way his mouth made your nipples shiny, but you will never contact him unless he contacts you first. Every video game has rules. When you play a video game, you agree to the rules. When you take his money, you agree to all this.