“But at a certain point in our lives, we cannot passively allow our upbringing to define us. We must choose it or choose other.” ― Jon Skovron in “Hope and Red”

Photographers send her unsolicited emails all the time. She is used to it. This photographer’s style seemed unique. She visited his website and loved his work. But his picture in the bio section gave her pause: he had a sketchy kind of look. That intimidated her. Also his rates were too good to be true. She returned to his website later that day and the day after to look at the pictures some more. She really liked his work.

Her friend agreed to go with her and that made her feel more comfortable. She made an appointment with the photographer. The night before, she gave her friend the address. Her friend said cheapskate, doesn’t have a proper Midtown studio address. She said I don’t care, I like his work. She added: if you don’t show up tomorrow and the photographer kills me it’s all your fault. The friend corrected her and said no, if he kills you that would be HIS fault not mine, but don’t worry, I’ll be there tomorrow.

The photographer was really nice. He offered her friend access to Netflix on his computer. He was very patient and respectful and she loved the pictures he took of her. Her friend was still parked in front of the computer when they were done with the session. As they were getting ready to leave, the photographer asked her for his fee. She apologized and paid him right away. Her friend lectured him: “Always ask for it upfront.” That made everyone laugh. Over lunch, her friend asked her how much she paid him. “What?! I thought you meant per hour.” They marveled over the deal she got and talked about how you can’t judge a book by its cover.

People say that you get what you pay for. That’s not always true. She comes from a family of cheapskates. They buy in bulk. They love coupons. They don’t pay retail. They do haircuts at home. They never order dessert nor drinks at restaurants. Maybe that’s why she fell in love with libraries right away, free books are awesome haha. Her best friends are even more extreme. When they go to the movies, they dig popcorn buckets out of the trash and use her AMC card to get free popcorn (free refill is a membership benefit yayyy). She doesn’t eat from those buckets, but she gets it. Cheapskates are half genius, half insane.

She doesn’t live like that anymore. She doesn’t want to live like that again. Her client said that “extreme cheapness, when not motivated by financial necessity, is a species of addiction.” He might be onto something here. This is something no one talks about: cheapskates are deeply ashamed of themselves. They don’t display cheapness unless they are really comfortable around you. They learn not to tell anyone about their coupon clipping hobby because the look of incomprehension that creeps into the eyes of the listener is uncomfortable for everyone involved. She has seen it firsthand. But her upbringing has given her a deep feeling of gratitude for generosity and a willingness to be generous with others. She is at a point where she no longer feels ashamed of her family and friends. She accepts it because their way of living is not hurting anyone. If you judge a book by its cover, you lose out on the opportunity to get to know that person :)