“For it has been revealed to me as a fact that where the dull-essential nature of our lives is eliminated, such as age, identity, education, employment, place of residence, family ties, daily routine etc., the thrilling-essential is revealed.” - Joyce Carol Oates in “The Doll-Master”

I recently received an appointment request from a client who looks like my dad. 

As I sat staring at the picture of his ID, my thoughts wandered to my dad. We visited Paris when I was 6. Daddy carried me on his back up the Eiffel Tower as far up as tourists could walk. I don’t remember much, but I remember him asking “when I am 80, will you carry me?” I answered yes. Not sure why that memory made me feel guilty all of a sudden. Daddy was probably home cooking or playing video games this very moment. No idea, I could text him to find out, but I was not going to tell him what I was up to haha.

I was a little worried: what if I can’t do it? If you have a great connection with someone, can you really ignore his resemblance to your father? Twins have different personalities. Facial similarity means nothing. Faces are three-dimensional. You can’t tell if two people really look alike by their pictures. My friend showed me pictures of her cats, one looked bigger than the other, but when I went over to meet them it was the other way around, so, you just never know.

I asked him if it was ok to meet downstairs for a quick coffee? He said sure. When I went downstairs to look for him, I was relieved to see he looked nothing like my dad haha. He was a lovely person and we had a nice time. That night, I made sure to delete his screening info. I looked at his picture one last time, smiled, deleted it and went to bed.

So, what if? What if he did look like my dad? Could I have done it? I think so. The secret life has helped me grow. It has made me ask questions about myself I had not asked before. If you truly accept someone, these things should not matter. I think if you are committed to be a nonjudgmental friend, then who he reminds you of and his superficial characteristics got nothing to do with you. If you truly welcome and accept someone, if you strip away the dull-essentials and you focus on the thrilling-essentials of a person, nothing else matters:)