“If you care about something, you have to protect it. If you’re lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it.” - Owen in “A Prayer for Owen Meany”

When I was 7, my grandma came to visit from China. She told me folk tales every day. In a distant village there lived a frustrated woman. Her child was agile as a monkey and stubborn as a mule. He demanded to be spoon-fed every day, if she refused he would throw tantrums and scream until her ears hurt. One day, she left town without him. Before she left, she bought o-shaped manto bread (think: gigantic bagel) and looped it around his neck for him to eat. When she came back, he was dead. The bread had been gnawed on at the inner rims. He sat there with his tongue protruding. That story really haunted me. Not sure about the moral of the story. Don’t be lazy? But who is THAT lazy?

I recently thought about that story again. My friend is dating a guy who has Asperger’s, a high functioning form of autism. She told me he gives great oral. But he is a selfish lover, sometimes he just stops and tells her “my turn.” Total mood killer. I asked her about Asperger’s and what it’s like to be with him. Meltdowns. Hyper-narrow focus. Difficulty socializing. Obsession with routine. Sensitivity to light and sounds. To people with autism, the world is an unpredictable place. She told me a trampoline park in Long Island has hours reserved exclusively for adults and children with autism, that’s really cool. It made me think about that folk tale about the boy. He could have been on the autism spectrum. He probably loved his mom but didn’t understand why she was so frustrated all the time.

Have you seen the movie “The Accountant”? It’s about an autistic accountant who cooks the books for dangerous criminal organizations, launders his income and donates a large chunk to autism research. From the flashbacks, we learn that his dad trained him in martial arts to channel his anxiety and help him deal with bullies. The movie received criticism because people don’t like the harsh training his dad put him through. I don’t look at the story that way. I think it’s a story about a superhero and his superpowers. Superpowers come in all shapes and sizes. His dad saw his limitations and helped him work on his superpowers. He found a way of life that works for him. He is luckier than the boy in the folk tale because of his supportive parent. But his life is not perfect, it’s kind of a trade-off. He lives a half right half wrong kind of life, he has to protect his secrets. Can’t have it all. If you are lucky enough to find a way of life you love, you have to find the courage to live it: )